Moments Past
by twilite princess
Summary: Songfic: Based on Sami Yusuf's 'Mother'. Just something I've been meaning to write for awhile. Marian remembers her mother, and Djaq's thoughts on the mother she left behind.


Authour's Note:

This just something I've been meaning to write for awhile...Also, it's my first published fanfic, so let me know what you think. No flames, please, but constructive feedback is helpful.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Robin Hood or any of the characters...sadly, they are all owned by BBC and Tiger Aspect. I don't own "Mother" either, it's owned by Sami Yusuf and Awakening Media...: (

Also: There is some Arabic in the song, but the translations are right by it in brackets. They aren't part of the song.

Another note (yeah, I know, it's one too many): It isn't finished yet!

* * *

Marian sat, staring out the window. When exactly had everything in her life gone spinning out of control? If only her mother were here… 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_Blessed is your face, blessed is your name…_

She'd always known what to do.

_My beloved.  
Blessed is your smile  
Which makes my soul want to fly_

She'd thought Mother would always be there. She remembered the year she turned seven. Her mother had made a special cake just for her. She'd floated all day, and she hadn't even slapped Robin when he ate a quarter of her cake.

_My beloved.  
All the nights  
And all the times  
That you cared for me…_

If her mother hadn't been there the night she'd fallen into the river trying to push Robin in, she might not be as well as she was now. She might not have even made it through her fever…

_But I never realised it  
And now it's too late.  
Forgive me.._

She could've taken better care of her. She should've taken better care of her…She couldn't believe she'd just let her go…

_Now I'm alone filled with so much shame  
For all the years I caused you pain  
If only I could sleep in your arms again  
Mother I'm lost without you_

Her mother had wanted Marian to be a lady, someone of respect, someone capable of holding the title of Locksley under her name when it would inevitably come. She'd wanted to be as Robin was, as Much was, even as the servant girls were; free of responsibility and able to do as they liked, making delicious pies or playing with soap suds while washing dishes and clothes; not stuck inside learning which fingers to hold her dress up with and how to sit or posing endlessly for a portrait. They'd argued to much, and saved little time for anything else like laying down to count the stars. That she'd done with Robin or Much... Half of her life was a blur of arguments, broken plates, slamming doors, angry faces, and her father coming home unable to rest in peace because of all the fighting...

What she'd give now, just to lay in her mother's arms again, dozing off with her head resting against her mother's chest, feeling her chast fall up and down and trying to match her breathing to hers...

She was scared without her mother...she wanted her back...so badly...

_You were the sun that brightened my day  
Now who's going to wipe my tears away  
If only I knew what I know today  
Mother I'm lost without you_

Her life should've revolved around her mother. It had when she was younger; the high point of her day would be when her mother returned from a long day at the Council, or helping her father, or talking to the people of Knighton. She'd been there when she'd broken her arm, she'd been there when she'd had the fever, and now she wished she'd been there when Robin had went away...

If only they'd argued less. If only she'd been the one bake the cake on her thirty-seventh birthday. If only she'd been a daughter to proud of...If only she'd been there for her...She'd always been there for Marian...Marian hadn't been there for her...

Now she realized that she needed her mother more than her mother had probably needed her in her entire life...the puzzle in which she'd fallen with Gisbourne and Robin was to confusing to get through without her mother...

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_Ummahu, ummahu, ya ummi [Mother... Mother... O my mother)  
wa shawqahu ila luqyaki ya ummi _[_How I long to see you, O mother)  
Ummuka, ummuka, ummuka ummuka_ [_"Your mother, Your mother, Your mother" )  
Qawlu rasulika_ [_Is the saying of your Prophet)  
Fi qalbi, fi hulumi_ [_In my heart, in my dreams)  
Anti ma'i ya ummi_ [_You are always with me mother)_

Djaq knew she'd never see her again when she left for war with her brother. She wished she hadn't chosen such a drastically different way of life...She remembered her mother had said that the Prophet (A/N: the Muslims' prophet, and this is true, by the way) had once said that Paradise lies under the feet of mothers. That mother comes before father and after only himself, the Prophet, and Allah, God.

She wished could see her mother again...When she'd left, she'd told her mother she'd never forget her, for she was always in her heart...Always in her dreams...Always with her...no matter where she'd be...

_Ruhti wa taraktini (You went and left me)  
Ya nura 'aynayya [O light of my eyes)  
Ya unsa layli [O comfort of my nights)  
Ruhti wa taraktini [You went and left me)_

Her mother had been old, she knew, but sitting on this tree stump, Djaq realized that she'd never thought she'd be gone so soon...She realized that Safiyyah would've never thought she'd go at all... Who would be there for her younger siblings? What if Djaq wished to be Safiyyah once more? What if she wanted to go back...?

_Man siwaki yahdhununi [Who, other than you, will embrace me?)  
Man siwaki yasturuni [Who, other than you, will cover me?)  
Man siwaki yahrusuni [Who, other than you, will guard over me?)  
'Afwaki ummi [Your pardon mother,)  
Samihini... [forgive me)_

Only in her dreams could she be with her mother once more...only in her dreams could her mother fend off suitors...only in her dreams could she sleep with her mother under the starry nights of Ramadan after breaking her fast...Only in her dreams could Djaq ever see herself near her mother...only in her dreams and in Heaven...

"Oh Allah," she prayed. "Forgive me for taking such awful care of my mother. Oh God, please let her rest in peace, please let her be of Paradise..."

If Djaq were judging for herself, she didn't think she'd ever forgive herself...

She could only hope her mother would...


End file.
